Getting things done
My friend, Slartibartfast at Shoot The Moose, describes what may be a very common scenario in many households with kids and working parents, and, one I know all too well:
I know that my kids will only be this young for a little while. I feel so hard-pressed from all sides. When we focus on ‘fun’ with the kids, they can’t ever have any friends over because our house is such a mess. If we focus on ‘clean’, we become the no fun parents.
The weekends are often a time to get the things done that there’s just no time for during the week.
People often advise, “Getting things done can wait! Your kids will be gone before you know it!”. But, the fact is that there are just some activities of daily living that need to get done, and, there are only so many hours in a day.
There are times where we suffer more so than others from what FlyLady (I’m a drop-out) calls CHAOS, or, Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome. Yes, yes, I know people are coming to see us, not the house, but, it’s not much fun for me to visit with people when I am uneasy about the clutter, even if it’s likely no one will notice. I notice. I even feel the need to clean up before even child visitors can come over, but, I’m working on it.
Mainly, I want to keep the house tidy for us, though, and, not just other people. But, I often find myself slipping into the thoughts of, “When the whole house is like I want it, there’ll be more time to spend with the kids”.
I am gradually learning, however, that whatever a “clean” house is, is a journey, not a destination, because, there’s probably never an ending. There will always be something that’s not good enough, or, something else I want to do, and, I need to stop using time with the kids as my reward for getting “it” done.
I’m trying very hard to focus on the things that are critical to me for me to feel OK about the state of the house (dishes, laundry, kitchen counter, stairs), and, establishing some routine for those so they are not so daunting on the weekends. Some weeks I’m better at it than others.
Then, I try to pick something that’s not on the routine list, and, focus on that one thing when I have some time. I tend to look at the big picture, especially on the weekends, and get all anxious because there are 47 all-day projects staring at me. I usually chose something that I’ve been looking at every day that has been bugging me. For example, last night I took some time to clean up the guest room (a “catch-all” place) and put things back where they go, etc. It’s not ideal, I’d love to have some more time in there, but, I did what I needed to do to make me feel better about it, and, if someone goes in there, it’s OK with me.
Obviously, I don’t know any big secrets about how to do both kids and tasks, but, I suspect that I’m not alone.
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5 opinions for Getting things done
R*belle
Jan 14, 2007 at 8:48 pm
I know EXACTLY what you are talking about here. I have a touch of OCD about keeping my house clean, and I quickly learned that I may as well beat my head against the wall as have a clean house with two small children. To be honest, I hired a housekeeper. I decided that it was well worth the cost so that I could have one less stress in my life and be able to enjoy family time in a semi-clean environment.
carolyn
Jan 15, 2007 at 7:08 am
I try to keep the “mad cleaning momma” at bay as much as possible. I don;t want my kids remembering house cleaning as our one family-type activity. Basically, for my sanity, the den, dining room and kitchen must be in order. Oh, and the hall bath. I don’t care what the other rooms (bedrooms) look like, because I can just shut the doors. Isn’t that why they HAVE doors? Also, I have CHAOS and must tell myself constantly that other people don’t notice my mess. When I go to other people’s houses, I do not notice dirt in the corners, dust or anything else, so why would they notice it at my house? And yet, I can not overcome the certainty that they in fact DO notice how messy my house is. It is a struggle.
Slartibartfast
Jan 15, 2007 at 7:54 am
*I am gradually learning, however, that whatever a “clean” house is, is a journey, not a destination, because, there’s probably never an ending. There will always be something that’s not good enough, or, something else I want to do, and, I need to stop using time with the kids as my reward for getting “it” done.*
This is what I need to remember. I’m almost like the opposite of female executives; I feel like my house has to be perfect because I want to prove that a man can succeed as the primary housekeeper. I hold my housework to a higher standard than I hold for most anyone else. THIS is part of my problem.
I’d LOVE to be able to have a housekeeper to help out, but 1) my pride won’t let me, and 2)we’d have to give up something else, like private school, or vacations. We’ve set our priorities, and “immaculate house” (financially) is 4th or 5th on the list. Plus, my Mom would tease me about it to no end. Kind of like my Dad teases me because I don’t change my own oil.
What’s the old expression? Don’t let the Perfect be the enemy of the Good. Thanks for the reminder.
sista smiff
Jan 15, 2007 at 10:03 am
I have beat myself up on this issue more than anything else in my life. I keep hoping my husband is going to suddenly show an interest and start helping me one day. It isn’t gonna happen and I haven’t yet wrapped my head around the thing the counselor always told me about that and every other issue we have…”you can’t change him, but, you can change you and your response to him. You make the changes you need to make and he’ll either get onboard or leave.”
whoa…that was deeper than you needed, but, this is a deep spot for me.
CLG
Jan 23, 2007 at 8:39 am
It was Phyllis Diller who said, “Trying to keep a house clean while your children are young is like trying to shovel snow in a blizzard.” Our house ain’t no great shakes when it IS clean, and it is as busy as Grand Central Station with all the people coming and going. As long as they don’t open a closet or a drawer, I maintain the illusion that it’s all OK.
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